Barry wee-weed on the orange jelly and all I could remember was that he absolutely reeked of cheap cologne as he did this. I remember that, and the rattling of his cheap jewellery.

He reminded me of an elephant as he stood there, all embarrassed in his Nike trainers. He made a real mess, all down the front of his trousers. He trembled and shook like a leaf in a high wind. It seemed as if he was on the verge of tears.

I told him to get the hell out of my house. He didn't know what he was doing there. He had ruined the orange jelly rabbit which my mum had made for my sisters' birthday by urinating on it. The jelly was still wobbling a little and Barry just stood there looking confused. The room was quiet, he could not really move.

The way he just stood there, all wide eyed and bushy tailed, it was as if he could not understand how he'd ruined absolutely everything.

His Nike trainers began laughing at him and then screaming in a fit of pique. They promptly walked him out of the house.